A Marathon, Not A Sprint: The Journey To “Black Love”

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It’s a question that’s as expected and as traditional to single women as the turkey-anchored feast and assortment of relatives crowded around it: “Baby,” an elder relative asks with kindness and concern, “why do you keep coming alone to Thanksgiving every year? When are you gonna settle down and find yourself a husband?”

The table chatter grows silent, indigestion devlops and the interrogation begins. Cousin Trish got married right after college and Lil’ Sister BeBe just got engaged a month ago, what could be the holdup?

Instead of cringing around a mouthful of mashed potatoes or making a hasty exit for the living room, five single women decided to switch up their techniques by particpating in a brand-new reality show experiment entitled Black Love, which premiering Dec. 8 on A&E’s FYI channel.

Black-Love-About-DWith the help of relationship experts Damona Hoffman and Jack Daniels, cast members Jamil “Jae” Eady, Tennesha Wood, Laree “LA” Thomas, Cynthia Branch and Monet Bell all explore their previous relationships, discover what they desire in a partner and date while devising strategies to become as successful in their love lives as they are with their careers and educational paths.

Bell, who divorced her selected spouse in the first season of FYI’s Married At First Sight, said during a conference call that she considers Black Love as more of a documentary series than a reality show. “I equate the show to a Sex In The City where everybody is in therapy,” she said. “There will be no times where viewers will see fabricated drama—we’re a bunch of girlfriends who drink a lot of wine, have fun and go through some heavy stuff. I just hope viewers will take the opportunity to step into another world with us.”

Finding out what matters and searching for that special someone is a trial-and-error process that evolves as often as the women do, and along the way Hoffman and Daniels offer their own insights into the dating patterns of the cast as well as provocative topics like colorism, interracial dating, the size of the dating pool and ways that all singles can sabotage themselves, including settling for less than what they want out of desperation and having unrealistic ideas about what love is….or isn’t.

images-7So when it comes to friends, family and society at large, maybe the expectation that jumping the broom with Mr. Right should happen a certain way within a certain time frame is part of the issue. No one would expect or feel comfortable throwing together the holiday feast at the last minute, for example, since that could lead to disaster. Why can’t that methodical mind-set also apply to love?

The slow and steady approach might not be a glamorous one, but like that well-planned meal, satisfaction from taking one’s time feels a lot better than the resulting heartburn that comes from being rushed.

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6 Comments

  • Reply Mrs Barber

    OMG!!! You made me put my hand on my hip, lol!!! I told my cousin and she said she knew; she thought she told me…NO!!! Glad to know you’re from the ‘Land! Okay, I will end this back and forth (because now this could go on forever, for me)! I will definitely research your articles and thanks again for the feedback.
    NTSB

    January 5, 2016 at 9:19 pm
    • Reply Lorrie Irby Jackson

      YW 🙂

      January 14, 2016 at 7:21 pm
  • Reply Nini Smiley-Barber

    “The slow and steady approach might not be a glamorous one, but like that well-planned meal, satisfaction from taking one’s time feels a lot better than the resulting heartburn that comes from being rushed.” This sentence, for me, is the heart and soul of this article! The route I chose was slow and steady, indeed. I just never saw the rush for marriage and children. Unfortunately, many in my family equated this to disinterest and too career focused.

    I chose to finish undergrad and graduate school before pursuing any serious relationships. I have EIGHT siblings and my twin sister and I are the “nee-babies” (hat tip to the south, lol). We are the complete antithesis of each other…in all things! Even in our names – mine comes from the West coast of Africa (Ghana) and her name originates in Kenya (for this comment, I will just call her, “twin”).

    Twin was a dating machine and didn’t want to see a college campus upon graduating from high school. I started college six days after my graduation. Twin dated, traveled, and was just the life of the party. I totally admit to living vicariously through her (and enjoyed every minute of it)! I’ll never forget the day she asked me why was I holding on to my virginity! When would I lose it?! Huh? Would it fall out of my body and roll down the street? Embarrassing! Would I misplace it? Lord knows how absent-minded I am. Or worse yet, would it dry up and turn to dust and blow away in the wind? The wind will not have my virginity! I would buy an urn and put the sexless dust in it and put on display on my mantle!

    I did ask her besides the physical part of losing her virginity, what was the big difference. Long pause. She finally said the physical part is the big difference! Good Lord, that meant losing my virginity would be similar to growing hair in my armpits; but unlike the hair that inevitably grows back after each shave, my virginity would never come back. Still, I took my time. I wanted a lasting relationship with a man of God. So, I waited…and waited.

    I was in my mid 30’s when I married. I still don’t know if that was, too long; but I was financially secure, had a strong and ever-growing relationship with Christ, confident, secure and ready to receive and give love. I was whole. And just like that, I met a very handsome, ex-sailor named Terry at 311 W. Ashley Street in Jacksonville, FL, who would be my first! That is how I decided to make my first sexual experience something more than physical. Every time I feel my husband’s caress, his kiss, his body, I feel that first time all over again – with him and only him. It is special and wonderful, so beyond just the physical! While he has been in my life for 20 years, we will celebrate 10 years of marriage on March 11th of this year (get it 3-11…the address where we met)!

    FYI, I am DETERMINED to change the phrase, “losing your virginity.” How about, “inaugural sex act?” “Say no to the urn?” “Wind blown!” It’s a work in progress!

    January 3, 2016 at 6:25 am
    • Reply Lorrie Irby Jackson

      Beautiful, beautiful, BEAUTIFUL testimony!!! Most people have issues with abstaining until marriage, usually because they haven’t been taught what sex truly represents. Congratulations on your upcoming anniversary and keep on keeping on!!! 😀

      January 3, 2016 at 3:51 pm
      • Reply Mrs Barber

        Thank you, sistuh! I’m originally from Cleveland and I have a cousin there who has been hypin’ you…so I decided to check out the site…so glad I did! Excellent site!

        January 3, 2016 at 5:53 pm
        • Reply Lorrie Irby Jackson

          You just made my night, thanks fellow Cleveland native! Please share it and feel free to dig deeper for the other columns I’ve written on love and relationships, seems like great minds are intersecting here….. 😀

          January 3, 2016 at 6:36 pm

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