When Protectors Become Predators: Making Women Safe In An Unsafe World

Sofia in cornfield

It’s a familiar scene from 1985’s classic film The Color Purple: newlywed Sofia charges through a cornfield, face freshly bruised by husband Harpo, to confront in-law Celie about her advice for him to “beat her.”

“All my life I had to fight,” hisses Sofia. “A girl child ain’t safe in a family of mens. But I never thought I would have to fight in my own house!”

That tale was set in the early 1900s, but unfortunately, little has changed. Despite advances in our struggle for civil and equal rights, women still continually fear for their own safety inside and outside the home.

The statistics are alarming. According to the National Crime Information Center, 65,000 people aged 21 and up are classified as “missing…with a reasonable concern for his/her safety.” And numbers provided by the Rape, Abuse and Incest Network indicate that two-thirds of sexual assaults are committed by someone the victim knows.

anna-shannon-and-mama-june-ppTwo recent news reports exemplify those realities, one being the cancellation of TLC’s hit reality show, Here Comes Honey Boo-Boo. Allegations recently surfaced that “Mama June” Shannon was dating the registered sex offender who was charged with molesting her now-adult daughter Anna. The other report was the abduction of 22-year-old nursing student, Carlesha Freeland-Gaither, from a Philadelphia street. She was found in Maryland with the suspect, Delvin Barnes, whom police found thanks to witness accounts and GPS tracking, even though the suspect’s uncle recognized him earlier on surveillance footage. Carlesha G

Anna and Carlesha were betrayed. Mama June denies the relationship despite photo evidence and Barnes’ uncle, Lamar Barnes, told “Dr. Drew” Pinsky (of the HLN show Dr. Drew On Call) that “people of color….don’t turn family members over to the police,” despite his nephew’s outstanding warrants and criminal history of assaulting women.

Those self-serving, woman-sabotaging attitudes are prevalent in both genders, says Dr. Misty Hook, a Briefing Moms Panelist and McKinney-Based licensed clinical psychologist who blogs about current events at thepsychologicalhook.com. “It’s about the devaluation of women and protection of men,” she says. “We see it all across society in different circumstances and situations. In June’s case, the entire schitck of the show was about garnering praise and approval from men via the beauty pageants. This is just a tawdrier dimension of it. The mother is privileging this man over her daughters, though he could still possibly hurt them.”

Lamar Barnes’ attitude, according to Dr. Hook, displays a ‘herd mentality’ that values family members over fellow citizens and, like many other men in the black community, he believes it’s acceptable to leave black women “twisting in the wind,” she says.

“Women will protect men and men will protect men, but who is protecting the women? This ‘circle the wagon’ mentality is about men protecting what they have. Many believe that they can’t compete as well if everyone has the same opportunities, so they keep women down as perpetual victims. It’s all a show to keep all the benefits and advantages to themselves.”

Hook says the way to change the status quo is by encouraging more empathy toward one another and making young men aware of the inequities women face. “With our son Ian, we talk about places like Hooters and the types of messages they send,” Hook says. “We talk about the lack of women in sports and even about the Dallas Cowboys cheerleaders and how they’re paid a pittance compared to the team when often they work just as hard. Like always insisting our kids say ‘please’ and ‘thank you,’ it takes constant reinforcement.”

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